Preface: I was so happy when Megan Luscombe said she'd do a piece for 52 of You. Why? Not only because she's a life coach, business owner and all round superstar...but because she's real. When Megan asked what she should write on, of course I said, whatever you're going through in your own life right now - this is 52 of YOU (all of you) after all. This post was her response. And it's so good. In the ongoing journey of being the best version of you, sometimes you just gotta give zero fucks. Thanks for the perspective, Megan! LMM xoxo #52ofyou
words by the mega awesome Megan Luscombe
"Giving zero fucks". I know. It’s a pretty big statement. And the fact that is has a swear word in it makes you either love it or feel offended (in which case, brace yourself for more). Either way, it certainly makes an impact. It’s also my new philosophy.
For those who don’t know me, my name is Megan and I’m a Life & Relationship Coach with a background in Psychology. Over the past 6-8 months I’ve been efficiently and consistently increasing my stress levels to the point of giving myself an uncomfortable, unwanted and unpleasant stomach ulcer (yay me).
You see; my plate of life is pretty fucking hectic. I run two businesses (one with my partner) and work seven days a week, sometimes working over 14 hour days. The house that I live in (with my partner) has actually turned into an office – I’m not even kidding. I work in the ‘office room’, the kitchen, dining room, outside in good weather, fuck, I’m even taking showers whilst mentally making to-do lists for the next day (or for when I get out of the shower). During these days and nights I’m still making my best efforts to stay in touch with family and friends while trying to find five minutes to have to myself. I am giving everything in my life all of the fucks I have to give, and let me tell you; it’s fucking hard, stressful and at times impossible. Hence the ulcer.
Running your own business, creating a life of your dreams, maintaining a happy/fulfilling relationship, catching up with friends/family while forever trying to please everybody isn’t easy and this is where my new philosophy kicks in.
I’ve decided that it’s time to stop giving a fuck about the things that DON’T FUCKING MATTER TO ME; in fact it’s time to ONLY give fucks for the things that I DO care about.
What do I actually mean when I say that? Basically, this:
In life we have only so many things we TRULY care about, we TRULY love, we TRULY desire and what TRULY make us happy. Those are the things you give LOADS of fucks about.
They could be your job, your relationship, your family, your friends or whatever it is that you place value in. These are the good fucks to give and the ones we should be focusing on.
Then there are the things that we really DO NOT like. Things we shouldn’t even give a fuck about; doing something you don’t enjoy, working at job that brings you no happiness or satisfaction, catching up with people who drain your life or waste your time. It’s pretty much anything that makes you’d like to say ‘fuck this’ or ‘I couldn’t give a fuck about it’. They’re your ‘zero fucks to give’ moments/people and the ones you need and should get rid of.
Have you ever noticed that the people in life with the ‘who gives a fuck’ attitude are the ones who are more relaxed, calm, controlled and generally happier? It’s not that they couldn’t be fucked about anything and don’t care. They’re NOT assholes. They’re just chilled, relaxed, satisfied & generally happier - and it’s with good reason.
They’ve chosen when and in which circumstances they’re going to give a fuck and in all the other moments, they’re chilled as villains because they’ve decided what to care about and what not to. I’ve decided I’m going to be one of those people.
Fuck being stressed. Fuck being a people pleaser. Fuck doing things that don’t make me happy. Fuck stomach ulcers. FUCK IT.
Now, this isn’t going to be easy and I know that. I’m a people pleaser and I want everything to go the way I plan. I give WAY too many fucks about everything in my life (and in others lives) to just STOP giving a fuck immediately. This is going to be a learning process and one that will most likely take a while to master, but hell; I’m committed to making it happen.
Here’s how I plan on doing this:
1. I’m going to work at only giving a fuck about the things that matter to me most
This means not sweating the small stuff. Not trying to please everyone. Not going out of my way for people who really couldn’t give two fucks about me. Trying not to stress about things I can’t control. You get the picture?
2. I’m only giving my time and energy to the people who give me theirs
Fuck spreading myself so thin to those who don’t return the favour or give a shit. Fuck fake people and fake attitudes. Fuck making everyone a priority and forgetting that I AM A PRIORITY TOO. Fuck doing things to make other people happy but make myself miserable. If this means I’ll only be able to count my friends on one hand, so be it. I’d rather have awesome fucking friends in my life that I love to pieces (and who love me back) than a group of fakers/drainers.
3. I’m going to be me, all the time (and that’s fucking scary)
Deep down all of us are (at times) scared of not being liked, rejected. But you know what? FUCK IT. I’m a person who tells it like it is. I’m anxious and I get depressed (just because I’m a Life Coach doesn’t mean my life or I am perfect). I have irrational fears about death and sharks. I don’t like olives or seafood. I can’t stand loud eaters and people who breathe heavily on the train fuck me off to no end. I’m always asking people deep and meaningful questions rather than on the surface banter (I’m a coach after all). I’m a singer who has extreme stage fright and performance anxiety. I still get nervous presenting workshops. I’m obsessed with cooking and believe peanut butter goes with EVERYTHING. I love Italian greyhounds. I am an overprotective partner, friend and family member. Basically I’m going to be the REAL me from now on and if who that person is, isn’t someone else’s cup of tea, I don’t give a single? I can’t be everyone’s favorite person and I’ve decided that I’m going to let that be okay.
So, there you have it. If you want to join me in my new life philosophy, please do. Let’s all only give a fuck about the things that TRULY matter to us and to the rest, GIVE ZERO FUCKS!
Because life's too short to be doing anything other than what makes us happy and fulfills us.
Long live #zerofucks.